i think i have two assholes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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