can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
