When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
