I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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I fill condoms, not promises.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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