I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
