i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
