If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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