Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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