It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
