I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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