Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
