No stitches, just platelets and will power
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
