Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Someone shit on the floor
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
