Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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