Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
