Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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