tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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