Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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