i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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