After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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