you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
