i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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