Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
