Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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