last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
