In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
