I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
