i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
