yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
