Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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