belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
