well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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