just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
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I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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