I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
