i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
