Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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