It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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