ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
