I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
