They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
