You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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