i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
not ubering you a puppy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
