i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
