I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
