he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
