But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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