so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
