i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
