Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
