My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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