thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
