is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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