I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
