I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
