The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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