anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
