We're like a lot better than the average bears
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Floor bacon is actually really good
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
