Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
