So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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