barbara walters just said penis...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
