...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
