i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
