but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
