You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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