remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
