Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
