He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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