please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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