I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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