I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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