yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
