My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
