I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Who died my cat blue again?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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