My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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